Well I made it to half a year today. Seriously it feels like a year and I am so damn proud of the changes I have made it my life.
I have not had a sip of alcohol in half a year. Not a SIP. In SIX months. I have learned to say no and mean it. I have learned to circle a room without the haze and constructed confidence that only five beers can create. I have learned to enjoy my girls' nights for the company and not the one-too-many glasses of wine. Instead of being "that girl" I have taken care of her. I have even managed to survive (and actually enjoy!) a bachelorette party in the city while stone sober. And danced.
I have not had to wake up in regret. I have gotten up for church. I have listened to my husband's drunken declarations of love instead of screaming fights. There have been no broken chairs in our house - nothing said that needs unsaid, no tears, no walking out of the house, no threats of divorce. It has been a godsend to have peace and we have reached a place where the resentment has melted into respect. It has transformed us.
Is it still hard? Yes, every weekend. Especially now that it is nicer out - I have a hollow feeling when I think about boating or gardening without a beer to cap it off. We also we have multiple weddings coming up and I am scared of facing a whole evening of drinking and dancing bare. Will I do it? Hell yes I will, there is no turning back now. Will it be difficult? Of course. But I look forward to continuing my life in a way that I can be proud of a one that makes a marriage a top priority.
Best sober moments? One was when C's best friend's wife told me that C had told his friend that he and I were really happy and how much better our relationship has gotten. It makes it all worth it to know that he feels this too and that what we are doing is working. The second was when I was out for the bachelorette party I was in line to get into a bar with all of the girls and the bouncers chose me out of the line and gave me a card to get in free and to get money off drinks! The sober girl gets the win! Never thought I would buy a nonalcoholic beer with a drink card! :)
Anyway, life is moving forward and I plan on reporting back here as my sober journey continues...
