One Month Out

Well, it has been about 5 weeks since C and I had our last blow up about drinking and about 7 weeks since the actual incident occurred.  Things are so-so between us but it has given me the tiniest hope for the future.

I have been really working hard at being the wife and person that I want to be and I am looking to keep improving.  We have gone out now numerous times and I have had only 5 drinks in the past 5 weeks.  I am still not proud of having any since I know that even one "good" night with drinking can be a slippery slope for me so I will continue to try and keep my marriage and new lifestyle as my top priority.  I am slowly trying to accept this lifestyle as my new normal, and hope to keep "walking the talk" so that C can see that I am serious about this change.  I also am trying to change in hopes that it will cut back on his drinking as well.  His is a problem too but he does not see it yet.  I am trying to be patient with this since I have not yet earned the right to address his issues, and am just trying to lead by example at this point. 

It is really hard.  There have been a number of days where I feel helpless like C and I are distant and that this will evenutally tear us apart.  But I know now that living the other way would doom us for sure so this is the best option right now.  All I can hope is that I can make the shift and that he will follow or at least customize his lifestyle to make it work so both of us can be happy.  I pray that we can do this.  The more that I examine myself and the more that I try to change my life back to the way I was before alcohol the more that I realize that I really want a simpler life.  I want to be done with the drama. 

We are doing ok.  Not great or really even good but we are together and we are moving forward which I guess is a lot better than I could say a month ago.  Progress I guess.  I wish time would move faster just so that we can heal more and grow back together again.  I pray that time does not pull us apart and I am going to do everything in my power to try and keep that from happening, and I hope that C does the same.  I will fight like hell for this relationship.