I am sitting here in the kitchen watching the food I made for C get cold. It is a Tuesday and he is out having a beer. Again. He had some yesterday while helping out a friend and came home exhausted and barely said three words to me. He was asleep two seconds after hitting the pillow and I laid there for fifteen minutes before I had to go to work and thought about how one-sided my relationship is now.
I know that I created this, that I would have a leg to stand on to fight his behavior if I had not been the problem first. But now here I am and he is out there in the middle of the damn work week and even thought I told him that I did not think he should be out drinking tonight he ignored me and I am left alone in the current mess that is my marriage. I want to say to him, "How can you expect me to choose our relationship over alcohol when you choose alcohol over our relationship all of the time???" But he is blind to his own actions or at least he thinks they are justified because of my actions. So despite this complete injustice I have to keep wading through the much until I have won him back. Because only then will I have a say, a fight, a chance to help him. I will keep wading.
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