I just signed on here for the first time since August of 2012. Insane. I was 10 months sober, pregnant, and happy.
Now? Even better.
I can't even put into words how much my life has changed and moved forward since my firsts posts here.
I have been sober for 3 years next week. I have a beautiful little girl that will be two in just a couple of months. C and I just celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary and will have been together 9 years in March.
Our relationship is entirely different now and he and I both talk about it often. The respect in our relationship is just night and day. The crazy screaming fights are gone. C's partying habits have changed dramatically and while he still drinks it is vastly different than it once was.
Life is amazing. I hope that I can keep coming back here to reread my original words and continue moving forward.
Friday, October 24, 2014
Complete 180...
Wow. That is all I can say. I knew that I was way overdue for an update and when I started reading my first post tonight it hit me that it has been almost exactly a year since that was written and my life since then has changed so dramatically that it feels like years have passed.
Our town festival is next weekend, just like my first post. That is where the similarities end.
Now:
I have been sober now for over ten months. My husband and I have an entirely new relationship. We enjoy each other again. He makes me laugh. We no longer have this awful undercurrent of resentment lurking beneath the surface waiting to destroy us. I love him with all my heart and I cannot believe how far we have come.
C has been going out less too and even when he does he seems to come home earlier and be less extreme with his behavior. He calls more often and is more receptive to me when we are out. He seems to come home in the evening more often and does not always jump at the chance to leave. We even have had some weekend nights in.
We have not had a major fight since Christmas and that was when the hardest stuff was going on with us emotionally. It is seriously amazing how far we have come. We are now expecting a baby and are looking forward to the future. It is just crazy.
God has been working in our lives and I feel like my prayers have been answered. I am just so happy that we are still together and doing better than ever. God is great.
Our town festival is next weekend, just like my first post. That is where the similarities end.
Now:
I have been sober now for over ten months. My husband and I have an entirely new relationship. We enjoy each other again. He makes me laugh. We no longer have this awful undercurrent of resentment lurking beneath the surface waiting to destroy us. I love him with all my heart and I cannot believe how far we have come.
C has been going out less too and even when he does he seems to come home earlier and be less extreme with his behavior. He calls more often and is more receptive to me when we are out. He seems to come home in the evening more often and does not always jump at the chance to leave. We even have had some weekend nights in.
We have not had a major fight since Christmas and that was when the hardest stuff was going on with us emotionally. It is seriously amazing how far we have come. We are now expecting a baby and are looking forward to the future. It is just crazy.
God has been working in our lives and I feel like my prayers have been answered. I am just so happy that we are still together and doing better than ever. God is great.
Monday, April 30, 2012
6 Month Sober Update!
Well I made it to half a year today. Seriously it feels like a year and I am so damn proud of the changes I have made it my life.
I have not had a sip of alcohol in half a year. Not a SIP. In SIX months. I have learned to say no and mean it. I have learned to circle a room without the haze and constructed confidence that only five beers can create. I have learned to enjoy my girls' nights for the company and not the one-too-many glasses of wine. Instead of being "that girl" I have taken care of her. I have even managed to survive (and actually enjoy!) a bachelorette party in the city while stone sober. And danced.
I have not had to wake up in regret. I have gotten up for church. I have listened to my husband's drunken declarations of love instead of screaming fights. There have been no broken chairs in our house - nothing said that needs unsaid, no tears, no walking out of the house, no threats of divorce. It has been a godsend to have peace and we have reached a place where the resentment has melted into respect. It has transformed us.
Is it still hard? Yes, every weekend. Especially now that it is nicer out - I have a hollow feeling when I think about boating or gardening without a beer to cap it off. We also we have multiple weddings coming up and I am scared of facing a whole evening of drinking and dancing bare. Will I do it? Hell yes I will, there is no turning back now. Will it be difficult? Of course. But I look forward to continuing my life in a way that I can be proud of a one that makes a marriage a top priority.
Best sober moments? One was when C's best friend's wife told me that C had told his friend that he and I were really happy and how much better our relationship has gotten. It makes it all worth it to know that he feels this too and that what we are doing is working. The second was when I was out for the bachelorette party I was in line to get into a bar with all of the girls and the bouncers chose me out of the line and gave me a card to get in free and to get money off drinks! The sober girl gets the win! Never thought I would buy a nonalcoholic beer with a drink card! :)
Anyway, life is moving forward and I plan on reporting back here as my sober journey continues...
I have not had a sip of alcohol in half a year. Not a SIP. In SIX months. I have learned to say no and mean it. I have learned to circle a room without the haze and constructed confidence that only five beers can create. I have learned to enjoy my girls' nights for the company and not the one-too-many glasses of wine. Instead of being "that girl" I have taken care of her. I have even managed to survive (and actually enjoy!) a bachelorette party in the city while stone sober. And danced.
I have not had to wake up in regret. I have gotten up for church. I have listened to my husband's drunken declarations of love instead of screaming fights. There have been no broken chairs in our house - nothing said that needs unsaid, no tears, no walking out of the house, no threats of divorce. It has been a godsend to have peace and we have reached a place where the resentment has melted into respect. It has transformed us.
Is it still hard? Yes, every weekend. Especially now that it is nicer out - I have a hollow feeling when I think about boating or gardening without a beer to cap it off. We also we have multiple weddings coming up and I am scared of facing a whole evening of drinking and dancing bare. Will I do it? Hell yes I will, there is no turning back now. Will it be difficult? Of course. But I look forward to continuing my life in a way that I can be proud of a one that makes a marriage a top priority.
Best sober moments? One was when C's best friend's wife told me that C had told his friend that he and I were really happy and how much better our relationship has gotten. It makes it all worth it to know that he feels this too and that what we are doing is working. The second was when I was out for the bachelorette party I was in line to get into a bar with all of the girls and the bouncers chose me out of the line and gave me a card to get in free and to get money off drinks! The sober girl gets the win! Never thought I would buy a nonalcoholic beer with a drink card! :)
Anyway, life is moving forward and I plan on reporting back here as my sober journey continues...
Friday, March 2, 2012
Day One Done - Tomorrow, the Challenge Begins
Ok so I made it through day one. But I always do well on day one, it's days two, three, and four that are harder.
What went well? I got to eat a good amount of food, satisfying food and stayed within my calorie range. Did I have some hugner pangs in the evening? A little, but they were tolerable and I made it through. I also feel better today - less bloated. I had an ok amount of energy but I slept pretty well and took a 5-hour-energy so I doubt that it was related to the changes in my eating. However, I was not exhausted so that was good. I did not even work out and still burned off 500 calories which is my target so that also was good.
What was hard? Finding something sweet that was low carb. I was going to make an almond-meal pancake recipe but forgot an ingredient so I had eggs for breakfast instead. The eggs were good but I know it will be hard on the days that I want a sweet breakfast to stay away from the cereal, etc. So that is my mission - find some sweet low carb breakfasts. :)
Well the weekend is coming as is my transition day where I eat four times, so there will be tons of challenges. My goal is to focus on the protein and work out.
What went well? I got to eat a good amount of food, satisfying food and stayed within my calorie range. Did I have some hugner pangs in the evening? A little, but they were tolerable and I made it through. I also feel better today - less bloated. I had an ok amount of energy but I slept pretty well and took a 5-hour-energy so I doubt that it was related to the changes in my eating. However, I was not exhausted so that was good. I did not even work out and still burned off 500 calories which is my target so that also was good.
What was hard? Finding something sweet that was low carb. I was going to make an almond-meal pancake recipe but forgot an ingredient so I had eggs for breakfast instead. The eggs were good but I know it will be hard on the days that I want a sweet breakfast to stay away from the cereal, etc. So that is my mission - find some sweet low carb breakfasts. :)
Well the weekend is coming as is my transition day where I eat four times, so there will be tons of challenges. My goal is to focus on the protein and work out.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Primal Eating?
Ok I have been bombing the "diet" over here. I have been starting over every day and do well for a short while until I go crazy and binge. I have been working my ass off in the gym only to eat back all of the calories that I worked off. It sucks. I am just so hungry and can feel the sugar spikes that cause my crazy binges.
I decided to try something new and have been investigating primal eating. Eating like the cavemen did, without processed crap and fewer limitations. It is much lower carb than I am used to and I am scared of the cravings for the first few weeks but I am going to try and ease into it and see if it helps me.
My goal is to keep my carbs to about 150 a day and keep calories between 1800-2000. I am going to make more steak and eat more veggies. I am going to eat when I am hungry and not eat when I am not. I think I have been putting too much pressure on myself and psych myself into a binge, just like I did with alcohol.
I am nervous that lower carb will make me binge more. I am going to look into this tonight and see how long the cravings usually last peopleand how they dealt with them. I mean, I still have cravings for alcohol every now and then but it is an absolute in my mind right now and that has helped me deal with them. I want to get to where I can have less ups and downs with food and not feel those urges as often.
I am going to try this this week and I will report back to see if it has gone better or worse.
I decided to try something new and have been investigating primal eating. Eating like the cavemen did, without processed crap and fewer limitations. It is much lower carb than I am used to and I am scared of the cravings for the first few weeks but I am going to try and ease into it and see if it helps me.
My goal is to keep my carbs to about 150 a day and keep calories between 1800-2000. I am going to make more steak and eat more veggies. I am going to eat when I am hungry and not eat when I am not. I think I have been putting too much pressure on myself and psych myself into a binge, just like I did with alcohol.
I am nervous that lower carb will make me binge more. I am going to look into this tonight and see how long the cravings usually last peopleand how they dealt with them. I mean, I still have cravings for alcohol every now and then but it is an absolute in my mind right now and that has helped me deal with them. I want to get to where I can have less ups and downs with food and not feel those urges as often.
I am going to try this this week and I will report back to see if it has gone better or worse.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Chumbawumba
It is official, I am a fattypants. Seems that the second I try to start something on here I go completely off track, which I did again this weekend (food-wise, not alcohol, thank God!). I am chubby.
I told C that I am on a diet starting now until 10 pounds from now. He said, "I have heard you say that before." He is onto me. Now I want to prove to him that I can stick with this, so I am going to try. Every decision I make can either put me closer to my goal or father from it, and from now on I am going to try to make most of my decisions in the thinner direction.
I did well at home Monday and of course today is Valentine's Day so I am sure this will be much harder. My goal is moderation, get through the holiday and keep plugging along. My cellulite informs me that it does not really need any more chocolate.
I told C that I am on a diet starting now until 10 pounds from now. He said, "I have heard you say that before." He is onto me. Now I want to prove to him that I can stick with this, so I am going to try. Every decision I make can either put me closer to my goal or father from it, and from now on I am going to try to make most of my decisions in the thinner direction.
I did well at home Monday and of course today is Valentine's Day so I am sure this will be much harder. My goal is moderation, get through the holiday and keep plugging along. My cellulite informs me that it does not really need any more chocolate.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Healthy Day FAIL
Ok so I bombed day one. I do not know why I do this to myself. I get worked up and it reminds me of the alcohol thing were I get this anxiety about the "forbidden" object (in this case, fatty food) and it makes me crave it.
I thought a lot about this today and I think I am going to use the same mental trick that got me on the right track with alcohol - I have to stop thinking about this as forever. I can have ice cream, etc. I can have pizza. I just need to cut back on it or give it up temporarily to reach my goals and the more I change the more I will want to keep changing.
So tomorrow morning I am weighing in and facing the music. I can do this, I want to be an "after" shot! I will report back tomorrow on how I am doing. One day, one hour at a time.
I thought a lot about this today and I think I am going to use the same mental trick that got me on the right track with alcohol - I have to stop thinking about this as forever. I can have ice cream, etc. I can have pizza. I just need to cut back on it or give it up temporarily to reach my goals and the more I change the more I will want to keep changing.
So tomorrow morning I am weighing in and facing the music. I can do this, I want to be an "after" shot! I will report back tomorrow on how I am doing. One day, one hour at a time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)